Understanding Bereavement

After a loss you may experience any of the following:

• Sadness or depression.
• Shock, denial, or disbelief. Shock provides emotional protection from becoming overwhelmed, especially during the early stages of grief and it can last a long time. 
• Numbness and denial. This is natural and helps us to process what has happened at a pace that we can manage and not before we are ready. 
• Panic and Confusion. We can be left wondering how we will fill the gap left in our lives and can experience a sense of changed identity. 
• Anger or hostility. Losing somebody is painful and can seem an unfair thing to happen, you may find that you feel angry or frustrated and want to find something or someone to lame for the loss so that you can try to make sense of it. 
• Feeling overwhelmed. Grief can hit people immediately and with full force, potential causing them to cry a lot or feel like they are not coping but over time feelings of grief tend to become less intense and people find a way to live with them.
• Relief. You may feel relieved when somebody dies, especially if there had been a long illness, if the person who died had been suffering, if you were acting as the main carer for the person or if your relationship with the person was difficult. Relief is a normal response and does not mean you did not love or care for the person. 
• Mixed feelings. All relationships have their difficulties, and you may think that because you had a difficult relationship with the person that you will grieve less or cope better. Instead, you may find that you feel a mix of emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, and anything in-between.

• Sleep problems
• Changes in appetite
• Physical health problems
• Withdrawing from other people or wanting to be with others all the time. 

When you lose someone, you love, it’s normal to want to cut yourself off from others and retreat into your shell. But his is no time to be alone. Even when you don’t feel able to talk about your loss, simply being around other people who care about you can provide comfort and help ease the burden of bereavement. 

Reaching out to those who care about you can also be an important first step on the road to healing, while some friends and relatives may be uncomfortable with your grief, plenty of others will be eager to lend support. Talking about your thoughts and feelings can help you to find ways to honour their memory. 

Lean on friends and family. Even those closest to you can struggle to know how to help during a time of bereavement, so don’t hesitate to tell others what you need, whether it’s helping with the funeral arrangements or just being around to talk. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can lean on for support at this difficult time look to widen your social network and build new friendships. 

Focus on those who are “Good Listeners” When you’re grieving the loss of a close friend or family member, the most important thing is to feel heard by those you confide in but the raw emotion of your grief can make some people very uncomfortable. That discomfort can cause you to avoid talking. Turn to those who are better able to listen and provide comfort. 

Join a bereavement support group. Even you have support form those closest to you, family and friends may not always know the best ways to help. Sharing your grief with others who have experienced similar losses can help you feel less alone in you pain. By listening to others share their stories you can also gain valuable coping tips. 

Talk to a bereavement counsellor. If you’re struggling to accept your loss or your grief feels overwhelming, try talking to a bereavement or grief therapist in person or via video conferencing online. Confiding in a professional can help you work through emotions that may be too difficult to share with family or friend, deal with unresolved issues from your loved one’s death and find healthier ways to adapt to life following your loss. 

Draw comfort from your religion. If you’re religious, the specific mourning rituals of your faith can provide comfort and draw you together with others to share your grief. Attending religious services, reading spiritual texts, praying, meditating, or talking to a clergy member can also offer great comfort and help you derive meaning from your loved one’s death. 

Using social media for grief support. Memorial pages on Facebook and other social media sites have become popular ways to inform a wide audience of a loved one’s passing and to find support. As well as allowing you to impart practical information, such as funeral plans, these pages allow friends and loved ones to post their own tributes or condolences. Reading such messages can often provide comfort for those grieving the loss.